Bill Clinton is making the rounds promoting the new novel he wrote with James Patterson, and he made headlines yesterday when he got all huffy during a “Today” show appearance after being asked whether the #MeToo movement has changed how he looks back on his involvement with Monica Lewinsky. The former president had to know he’d get questions about this subject. In fact, I wrote in February about Clinton’s demand that — when he appeared here during the St. Louis Speaker Series — all audience queries had to be submitted in advance because, I speculated, he wanted to weed out any questions about this matter. But frankly, I don’t care what he has to say about it. He’s not going to shine any new light on the incidents of 20 years ago, so why must we re-litigate the whole thing in the media? We have enough current cases of #MeToo and #TimesUp to debate and repair. Just talk to Clinton about his lousy book and then move on to some real news. May I suggest the federal government’s continuing neglect of the people of Puerto Rico?

Next, I couldn’t care less where Melania Trump is. So what if she’s gone unseen in public for three weeks since her hospital procedure? She offers us nothing but occasional plagiarism of her predecessor, no public condemnation of her husband’s horrific tweets and remarks, and the hysterical refusal to hold his hand in public. Why do we even care about any First Lady or their supposed “causes”? Did Michelle Obama having a vegetable garden behind the White House turn us into a country of healthier eaters? Not in my house. Did Betty Ford end alcoholism as an ongoing concern? Hell, Nancy Reagan appeared on “Diff’rent Strokes” to tell kids to Just Say No to drugs, yet the three young stars of that show ended up either with addiction problems or on the FBI’s Most Wanted List! Don’t even get me started on Hillary Clinton. So, I say it would “Be Best” to leave Melania alone. She’s suffered enough having to share a bed with Old Cheetos Skin.

Meanwhile, in England, they’re preparing to celebrate Queen Elizabeth II’s birthday this weekend with a 41 gun salute in Hyde Park, a 21 gun salute in Windsor Great Park and a 62 gun salute at the Tower of London. That’s a lot of gun salutes. Who’s the party planner — Dana Loesch? By the way, the Queen’s actual birthday is not this Saturday. It was on April 21st. So why is the party on June 9th? The woman is 92 years old! At that age, why torture her by delaying the birthday party by seven weeks? Was the entire country busy with something else in April? Sorry, your majesty, none of us can make it because we all finally got a dental appointment that day. Really?

By the way, if Melania Trump shows up at the Queen’s celebration and dances with Bill Clinton, I want footage of Wolf Blitzer’s head exploding.