On behalf of all dads, I’m going to share a secret that men have kept for centuries.
We appreciate it. We really do. We know you want to do something special for us on Father’s Day.
So, you and the kids are planning to get up early Sunday morning and sneak into the kitchen to make us a big breakfast, with all of our favorites. Then you’ll load it onto a tray, bring it into the bedroom, gently wake us up, and present the food to us.
We’ll love the smiles on the kids’ faces as they hop into the bed with us, singing “Happy Father’s Day, Daddy!!!” and handing us cards they drew themselves. It’ll be a very nice family moment. There’s only one problem.
The whole time you’re presenting this nice celebration, we really have to go to the bathroom.
It’s not our fault, it’s simply biology. Ask any man. When we wake up in the morning, the first thing we have to do is pee. Doesn’t matter how old we are, or how happy we are to see you — nature calls.
So, now you know that the look of joy on our faces is genuine, but it’s mixed with a certain level of discomfort. Armed with that knowledge, I ask a favor on behalf of every member of the human male species: please come in and give us a few minutes’ warning. Tip us off that the “surprise” is coming, thus giving us an opportunity to run into the bathroom, take care of business, then jump back under the covers and pretend to be asleep in time for the kids to bring in breakfast. We’ll still put on the whole “wow, what a nice surprise!” act, and everyone will be happy — and a lot more comfortable.
Do this for us, and we’ll make it up to you next Mother’s Day. Maybe we’ll even remember to make reservations for a nice brunch at a nice restaurant instead of having those last-minute kid-recipe pancakes again.
Happy Father’s Day!