The TSA warned airlines today that terrorists might have bombs surgically implanted in their bodies as a way to elude security. The public was advised that this will likely lead to more pat-downs at screening checkpoints.

Which will probably mean thousands of women all over the country getting felt up by overzealous TSA agents who were “just doing their jobs.”

As if they’ll be able to tell you have an implanted explosive by rubbing you outside your clothes. Good luck with that — because the TSA keeps proving how safe it keeps fliers by patting down small children and senior citizens in adult diapers, but somehow this guy got through security with an expired boarding pass that didn’t even match his name. Nice job.