Does anyone call young boys “Master” anymore? When I was a kid, I would occasionally get mail addressed to Master Paul Harris. It was the male equivalent of “Miss.” Just as girls had to be Miss before becoming Mrs. or Ms., boys had to be Master before becoming Mister.

I tried to convince my parents that since I was being called “Master,” I should get the Master Bedroom, but for some reason they didn’t go for it. Then one night, after carefully studying Barbara Eden’s belly button on “I Dream of Jeannie” and hearing her refer to Larry Hagman as “Master,” I had some very interesting dreams.