A long time ago, I occasionally ate oatmeal. It was some brand of instant-in-a-packet with enough brown sugar and cinnamon to mask the actual flavor of the oatmeal. Then, one day, that flavor disguise stopped working for me and I realized that I was just eating a bowl of sweetened, wet, shredded cardboard. Haven’t touched the stuff since.

Yesterday, I drove by a McDonald’s with a sign out front advertising “Fruit and Maple Oatmeal All Day.” It did not make me want to stop and order a bowl, but it did make me wonder if it could possibly be bringing in customers. Are there people driving around with an unsatisfied oatmeal craving who see that sign and pull right in, thankful for a place that will quench their desire? No matter how hard their marketing people try, the public is about as likely to identify the Golden Arches with oatmeal as they are to think of McDonald’s as a salad bar.

I just hope no one’s buying oatmeal at the drive-thru and eating it on the way to work. That’s beyond distracted driving and on its way to disgusted driving.