Dear Kim Jong-Un,

Before you go telling the world you’re planning to attack the United States (your “archenemy”) with nuclear missiles, how about launching something that actually leaves your own peninsula first? We won’t really be worried until you can make anything fly far enough that it lands in a place whose name does not include the word Korea.

One other thing. Before trying to blow up a piece of America, you might want to check with your pals in Beijing. Because they probably own it.

The Guys With The Real Rockets