How to guarantee I won’t be your customer: ring my doorbell at 7:45am.

It happened this morning. I answered the door, and there’s a guy saying, “I’m in the neighborhood dropping off some fresh mulch and I can see that you need some.” That’s it? That’s your pitch? And you think this is a good time of day to do business? Even if I already was your customer, I don’t want you dropping off anything that early.

Perhaps this works as a volume concept — he rings as many doorbells as he can until he finally gets one or two people who are awake enough to buy his mulch. Or maybe there’s someone who’s about to leave for work, thinking their day would be markedly better if only a door-to-door mulch salesman would drop by.

Not here. I turned him down, then watched him walk down the street, where he no doubt woke up my neighbors. It’s now a few hours later and I don’t see any fresh mulch in anyone’s yard, so they must not have appreciated the early sales call, either.