With hay fever season underway, I’m already suffering from a head full of yuck, so last night I went to get some Nyquil out of the medicine cabinet.

The first thing I grabbed was a mostly-empty bottle, and noticed something on the label I hadn’t seen before. It said “Great Taste! Vanilla-Cherry Swirl.” Nice try, but wrong. There’s no human alive who would take a gulp of Nyquil and pronounce, “It’s delicious!” Call it whatever you want, but it still tastes like medicine. In fact, I want it to taste like medicine, so my brain thinks, “Help is coming!”

With so little liquid in that bottle, I pulled out another 12-ounce bottle, which didn’t say anything about taste on the label — but it did say, in big bold letters, “Now with 50% more!” Then, underneath, in smaller letters, “Than our 8-ounce size.”

Yes, Dr. Obvious, that’s how math works. Twelve is fifty percent more than eight. I can figure that out even with clogged sinuses.

But why stop there? Go ahead and make it “Now with 100% more — than our 6-ounce size!”

Or double the hyperbole: “Now with 200% more — than our 4-ounce size!”

Or go for the gold: “Now with 12 ounces more — than an empty bottle!”

Nyquil, you’re not supposed to make my head hurt.