I heard several radio personalities proudly proclaim today that they did not watch any part of the Super Bowl — the game, the commercials, or the halftime show. Why? If you know you’re going to be on the air the next day, and that it’s the number one subject your listeners are going to be talking about (it’s the highest-rated television event of the year!), why would you purposely avoid that and miss the opportunity to render your opinion on what you’d seen?

I can’t tell you how many stupid movies and television shows or sporting events I’ve been forced to sit through just because I had to know about them in order to relate to my audience. It doesn’t matter if you’re not into football, or aren’t rooting for either team, or watched all the commercials online ahead of time — you still have to know at least as much as your listeners do about massive events like that. The Pro Bowl, you can skip. The Super Bowl, you can’t.

If Russell Wilson had completed that touchdown pass to Ricardo Lockette (who?) at the end of the Super Bowl, wouldn’t we all be proclaiming Pete Carroll the greatest head coach of all time for calling that play when everyone expected a handoff to Lynch? After all, it was Carroll who made the gutsy call at the end of the first half to go for the TD instead of the field goal by having Wilson execute a perfect throw to Chris Matthews (who?).

If Carroll had let Marshawn Lynch carry the ball for the Seahawks when it was second and goal from the one yard line, and Lynch had scored the winning touchdown, would he have been the game’s MVP? If so, I would have loved to hear the commercial:

“You and the Seahawks just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do now?”
“Well, I guess I’m going to DisneyWorld, because I don’t want to get fined!”

How could NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell refuse to do a Super Sunday interview with NBC, the network covering the game, after threatening to fine Lynch for not talking to the media? Shouldn’t Goodell fine himself? Of course, he could just appeal the fine to himself and get a free pass. Stay classy, commish!

Did Katy Perry have to license the “The More You Know” star from NBC for the finale of her halftime show last night?

How much of a chronic gambling problem do you have when you use inside information about the length of Idina Menzel’s version of the National Anthem to lay down big bets in Vegas and with offshore bookies?

Did anyone at Nissan’s ad agency remember that Harry Chapin died in a car accident before using his “Cat’s In A Cradle” in its car commercial about the race car driver, his wife, and son? Maybe they were counting on the audience knowing that Harry was driving a VW Rabbit — not a Nissan — when he was killed on the Long Island Expressway in 1981.

When Carnival Cruise Lines chose a JFK speech about the sea as the voiceover for its Super Bowl commercial, were they relieved it wasn’t Ted Kennedy talking about the joy of being on the water?

How many people are showing up at McDonald’s today expecting a free meal in return for calling their mothers? They may have missed those two key words, “randomly chosen.”

Speaking of two words, I would have bet a lot of money that I’d go through my entire life without hearing the words “toenail fungus” in a Super Bowl commercial — but I would have lost.

And finally, when it comes to betting, I ended up with a push because I lost on the Seahawks (+1) but won on the over (47.5). If only Carroll had told Wilson to give it to Lynch…