It’s long been obvious that Wall Street reporters and analysts are making things up as they go along, unable to come up with valid reasons for the market’s overall mood — and this week was no different.

Yesterday, the Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped a hundred points, and the explanation repeated everywhere was, “Wall Street remains uncertain about the fiscal cliff.”  Today, the DJIA was up 60 points, and the explanation was, “Stocks rebound as investors grow upbeat on the economy.”

Absolutely nothing changed in the fiscal cliff negotiations or the economy at large between yesterday and today, nor between yesterday and Tuesday, when the DJIA was also up a hundred points. There’s been no deal between the White House and Congress, no move towards leadership, no plan going forward, on any of these days. Yet the Dow was on its fairly typical up-down roller coaster of small (plus or minus 1%) gains and losses.

And that’s why I keep all my money invested in unicorn futures, shares of Ray’s House Of Raw Pork, and over/under bets on NFL concussions.