I see that the band War, which had a few hits in the late seventies, is playing one of the St. Louis casinos tonight. Well, not the whole band. It’s one of the original guys with a new backing group, while the other originals are touring under the name Low Rider. Neither has original lead singer Eric Burdon.
But that’s not why you called.
War was responsible for a handful of hits including “Cisco Kid,” “Spill The Wine,” and “The World Is A Ghetto.” They also did one of the dumbest tunes to ever make the charts (and that’s saying something!), “Why Can’t We Be Friends,” which is getting renewed attention because it was in the trailer for the “Hobbs and Shaw” movie. Lyrically, it barely qualified as a song:
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friends
Why can’t we be friendsI seen ya around for a long long time
I really remember you when you drank my wine
From there, it returned to the chorus (those four lines of “Why can’t we be friends”), followed by a two line verse, then repeated the formula about ten times. In one of the verses, they couldn’t even be bothered to rhyme the words:
Sometimes I don’t speak right
But yet I know what I’m talking about
This went on for four minutes — at some point, they gave up on verses altogether and merely repeated the chorus some more until it faded out! It must have been too much work to come up with an ending.
You’ll note that I don’t call “Why Can’t We Be Friends” the worst pop song ever. There are just too many nominees to choose one winner (loser?), but one of them would have to be a Paul McCartney tune.
Wait a second. Am I talking about the same Paul McCartney who wrote all those Beatles and Wings classics? Yes, indeed.
In 1976, Paul released a single called “Let ‘Em In,” which went on to become a top 3 hit in the US and UK, proving that popularity does not equal quality. How bad was it? Sample the not-so-brilliant lyrics to “Let ‘Em In” for yourself.
Someone’s knockin’ at the door
Somebody’s ringin’ the bell
Someone’s knockin’ at the door
Somebody’s ringin’ the bell
Do me a favor, open the door and let ’em in
Had Paul’s life become so insulated that he couldn’t get out of the chair and open the damn door himself? He then listed the people who were knocking at the door that he wanted you to let in, from sister Suzie to brother John, Martin Luther to Phil and Don (ooh, a civil rights leader and the Everly Brothers, who have so much in common). Then he repeated ad nauseam.
As the years rolled by, McCartney’s abilities atrophied even further. Witness this masterpiece from 2008 called “Dance Tonight,” on which he played mandolin:
Everybody gonna dance tonight
Everybody gonna feel all right
Everybody gonna dance around tonightEverybody gonna dance around
Everybody gonna hit the ground
Everybody gonna dance around tonightWell you can come on to my place if you want to
You can do anything you want to doEverybody gonna dance tonight
Everybody gonna feel all right
Everybody gonna dance around tonight
Imagine a new songwriter trying to sell that to a singer or label. They’d be thrown out of the office. Then, when the next guys brought in “Why Can’t We Be Friends,” the music executive would say, “Well, it’s not as bad as the one I just heard!”