From the Washington Post:

Vice President Pence told reporters today that the coronavirus task force created to manage the federal government’s response to the pandemic could be disbanded within a month because “of the tremendous progress we’ve made as a country.”

But here’s the rest of the story, exclusive to Harris Online:

NFL owner Mike Pence disbanded his team today, firing all the players and coaches, because its 1-7 record in the first half of the season showed “the tremendous progress we’ve made as a team.” He now hopes Trump will invite him to the White House as winner of Super Bowl 55.

To use a phrase from the previous GOP administration: “Mission Accomplished!!”

Updated 4:10pm…

Reader Jason Fink commented, “This administration would find a way to put a positive spin on the loss of life on the Titanic.”

Yes, Jason, I can hear Captain Trump’s voice now:

I’m hearing that this iceberg thing will go away on its own once the warm weather comes. Right now, there are only 15 decks that are flooded, but that will go down to zero very soon. People are telling me the lifeboats were the most comfortable they’ve ever been in. We even had a luxury one-person door for Rose, a woman who voted for me and supports my actions. Also, we had the best orchestra, which stayed in its seats all the way through.