Somehow, Dave Barry managed to get a credential that allowed him into Super Bowl Media Day, or whatever they’re calling it now. Among his observations:

Of course, the most important players are the quarterbacks because without them there would be nobody to start the play by yelling “hut,” and the other players would have to spend the entire game squatting in an uncomfortable stance.

The Chiefs quarterback is a polite young man named Patrick Mahomes, who revealed, under questioning from the media (really) that he got a haircut last Friday and plans to get another one this Friday. He also said “I usually eat eggs in the morning.” And he revealed that he does, in fact, put ketchup on his hot dogs. “One hundred percent I do put ketchup on my hot dogs” were his exact words.

The 49ers quarterback is Jimmy Garoppolo, who is irritatingly good-looking. He makes George Clooney look like Jabba the Hutt. I stood in his media clot with an old friend of mine who is (a) an excellent sportswriter and (b) a woman, and she felt the need to make the following completely unnecessary observation to me THREE TIMES: “He’s very handsome.” A little while later I was exchanging texts with another friend, and I mentioned that I was standing in front of Jimmy Garoppolo, and my friend texted back that his wife wanted “a photo and some alone time.” She’s a big sports fan.

Read Dave’s full piece here.