Hey, didja hear about The Flying Car?
A California company called Moller International claims to have invented a car that flies. Ladies and gentlemen, meet George Jetson!
This is one of those technologies Baby Boomers have dreamed about our entire lives but never thought we’d live to see. C’mon, who doesn’t want a Flying Car??
Who hasn’t had that moment on the road, when traffic is backed up to a standstill, and you wish you could flick a switch and have the car lift straight up and fly over all the other jammed-up suckers? That’s what Moller claims this “Skycar” will do.
I don’t understand the aviation mechanics of the thing (you can check out their website if you want that), but here’s what I understand from a layman’s perspective.
The Skycar will take off and land vertically, using powerful rotary engines and fans, like a Harrier jump jet. It’ll seat four people, get about 15 miles per gallon and — get this — do a top speed of 370 miles per hour. That sure would cut down on the commute, wouldn’t it?
You could live 100 miles from work, and be there in 16 minutes. Domino’s could deliver your pizza before they even cook it. That first backseat sexual encounter could include membership in the Mile High Club!
Now, before you get too excited, let me bring you back to Earth for a second. So far, they have only gotten the Skycar about six feet off the ground. That’s a problem. I usually prefer the aircraft I’m riding in to be able to clear my house, or at least the stop sign at the corner. At this point, they’d be banging into the forehead of your average WNBA player.
It’s also a tad pricey, costing somewhere around a million dollars. But once they perfect the design and start mass-marketing this baby, you’ll be able to pick one up for about sixty grand — probably right out of the Sharper Image catalog — and that’s before your factory rebate. That first model won’t fold up into a briefcase like George Jetson’s did, but you have to start somewhere, don’t you?
Flash forward several decades. You’re talking to your great-grandchildren: “You kids today don’t know how easy you have it! When I was a youngster, we had to drive in cars that actually touched the ground! We didn’t just pick up and fly around town like you young punks. We had potholes, red lights, construction detours — it was hell! Nowadays, the worst thing you deal with is a little old lady dropping down 10,000 feet without signaling!”
Then some twenty-first century Elroy will tease you right back, full of altitude attitude, making fun of how much trouble you used to have folding your old-fashioned two dimensional map.
The real downside to the Flying Car comes when everyone has one. You think you’re surrounded by too many SUVs filled with bad drivers now? Wait till they can fly. They can’t even parallel park properly — how are they gonna do a perpendicular park out of a vertical drop? On the other hand, when someone cuts you off, you’ll be able to flip them an actual bird!
Until someone develops a personal jetpack or that Star Trek transporter — and Scotty can beam me up, down, and sideways — the Flying Car will hold the title of Coolest Thing I’ve Heard Of for a long time.