Why is it that when people “hear voices,” those voices never tell them to do something positive? It’s always “kill people,” “kidnap children,” or “barbecue kittens.” Just once, I’d like to hear someone say the voice told them to become a doctor who performs live-saving surgeries, or volunteer at the homeless shelter, or motivate underachieving kids and get them to stay in school.

Even if it’s not something quite so proactive, I’d be thrilled to hear that the voice urged something other than violence — perhaps a successful chef saying, “I could never get the taste of this dish right, but then I heard a voice telling me to add some cinnamon.”

This message brought to you by the National Association Of People Who Hear Messages From The American Cinnamon Council.