Note to all media outlets: stop telling me how much of a lead Biden has over Trump nationally. You know that doesn’t matter. Just tell me about the swing states and the electoral college totals.

As he’s refused to reveal information at press conferences about when Trump last tested negative or other details, I’ve seen Dr. Sean Conley, the Physician To The President, say at least twice, “I don’t want to look backwards.” Isn’t that what the big medical chart is for, to see what symptoms and results have occurred to this point? Or does Conley have some special power to look forward? “I won’t go into detail about what happened yesterday, but tomorrow, I’m going to have an egg-white omelet with wheat toast for breakfast.”

By the way, any doctor who proclaims Trump will be ready for a “safe return to public engagements” by Saturday should first have to stand in front of him and have a 15-minute conversation while neither wears a face mask. Let’s see you suck up those respiratory droplets first, doc! Or maybe one of his right-wing propagandists from Fox News Channel or talk radio would like to do a face-to-face interview sitting just a few feet apart from Patient Zero, again with no masks. How about you, pre-existing condition poster boy and cancer patient Rush Limbaugh — not on the phone, but in person?

This is not a joke. The White House Gift Shop is selling $100 commemorative coins that read, “Trump Defeats Covid.” Even if he’s healthy after a bout with the coronavirus, the claim is false. The truth would be “Science Defeated Covid, in his case.” If Trump had refused to go to Walter Reed or be examined by doctors or have them administer multiple medicines or give him supplemental oxygen, but still recovered solely because his body is so strong it could counteract the virus on its own, then you could say Trump defeated Covid. But since that’s not what happened, a more accurate coin would read “Trump devoured cheeseburgers.”

Remember when Trump first got into office and many people wondered what the higher-ups at the Pentagon would do if he ordered an unwarranted attack on some country, with or without nuclear weapons? I wonder how they’d react now, with the president all hopped up on steroids and experimental medications (including one whose side effects include hallucinations!). I also am curious whether they have a strategy for the lame duck months between Trump’s election loss and Biden’s inauguration — while he’s still Commander-In-Chief and has nothing to do but yell at the television and seek revenge on his enemies, both real and perceived.