It was five degrees in St. Louis this morning. I had to run out to get a haircut at a place that’s about 15 minutes away. I froze all the way there because it wasn’t until I reached my destination that the car was warmed up enough for the heater to work.

In my house, we have a space heater that blows hot air as soon as you turn it on. I mean instantly. One second you’re cold, the next second you’re not. Why don’t we have heaters like that in cars?

Don’t tell me it’s cost. The space heater in my house cost about $25. It can raise the temperature of an entire room in mere minutes. Surely there’s an air-forced heater small enough to warm up the interior of a car at a moment’s notice that wouldn’t cost much more. Hell, offer it as an option and dealers will sell ten million the first day!

Here’s another one. The rear window of the car has wires running through it. You touch a button, those wires warm up the glass and defrost the window. Thus my question: Since we have to wait forever on a cold day for the heater to be effective enough to defrost, why don’t we have wires in the front window — the one we spend 90% of our time looking through? They’re more efficient than a fan blowing from below, and before you argue that they’d be a distraction in front, remember that we’re used to seeing them in the back window — a view we see reversed through a mirror!

Those wires would really help on all those frigid mornings when you have to scrape the ice off your front window, but you only do a small portal because you’re freezing your butt off and just want to get inside the car, even if it means driving with a periscope-like view the whole way because the regular defroster won’t help because your commute isn’t long enough.

I’m asking, seriously. If you can explain this, please e-mail me at the address at the top of this page.