Chuck Lorre, the producer of the hit sitcoms “Two and a Half Men,” “Mike & Molly,” and “The Big Bang Theory,” uses a second of airtime at the end of all his shows to post a vanity card for his production company. But rather than simply showing the logo, he writes something clever each week — a tradition that goes back to his earlier shows, “Dharma & Greg,” “Grace Under Fire,” and “Cybill.” The text on the vanity cards goes by too quickly to read at normal speed, so many viewers (myself included) pause the DVR to see what Chuck has on his mind, which usually elicits a smile if not a guffaw.

This week, Chuck used his moment at the end of “Two and a Half Men” to poke a little fun at the troubled star of that show, Charlie Sheen…

I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I’ve had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG’s and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I don’t have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I’m gonna be really pissed.

See more of Lorre’s vanity cards here.