It’s important to remember you can hold two opposing thoughts in your head simultaneously. For instance, you can think, “John Bolton’s revelations about Trump make me feel great,” while you also think, “John Bolton has always been a douchebag who helped push us into war with Iraq and refused to testify to the House during its impeachment hearings.”

During a trip to the supermarket yesterday, I observed about 90% of the customers wearing face masks and trying to stay away from other shoppers. But one of the nitwit non-wearers spent several minutes hovering over the plums, touching several of them before choosing the one he wanted. I didn’t buy one, but I made a mental note to run the rest of the produce I did purchase through the dishwasher when I got home! Incidentally, we seem to have gotten entirely past panic-buying mode in our neck of the woods. The store (Dierbergs) had plenty of everything on its shelves, including toilet paper, and I didn’t spot anyone with an overflowing cart, as I did three months ago.

When our doorbell rings, it usually means a UPS driver has dropped off another box of shoes from Zappos for Martha. But twice in the last week, it wasn’t a package delivery, but a door-to-door salesman. One was for a lawn maintenance company, the other for an exterminator. We already have people who provide those services for us — and have for many years — so Martha politely cut both salesmen off with a, “No, thanks,” closed the door, and came over to tell me about it. I kinda felt sorry for the guys. That’s a tough job under the best of circumstances, but during a pandemic, when most of us are severely limiting our interpersonal contact? Ugh. I’m thinking of installing two brass plaques next to our doorbell: “No Solicitors” and “No Exhaling.”