I present to you today the worst theme song lyrics in history. They come from “The Odd Couple.” No, not the TV sitcom version with Tony Randall and Jack Klugman, with its spoken word opening voiced by William Woodson:
On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence. That request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison’s wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?
That was followed by Neal Hefti’s instrumental theme, the same one used two years earlier in the 1968 movie version, directed by Gene Saks, starring Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, based on Neil Simon’s stage play.
After the movie became a hit, someone decided that, in order to garner some radio play, the song had to have lyrics. In that era, there were several movies with soundtracks that spawned Top 40 hits. “Mrs. Robinson” from “The Graduate.” “Born To Be Wild” from “Easy Rider.” Shirley Bassey’s title song from “Goldfinger.” Tom Jones doing the same for “What’s New, Pussycat”?
So, they brought in songwriter Sammy Cahn, who had written such popular classics as “High Hopes,” “Come Fly With Me,” “My Kind Of Town,” and “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow.” He had won Oscars for four of his songs and was nominated for twenty-three others. That’s quite a resume.
So, what did this genius come up with for “The Odd Couple” theme?
No matter where they go
They are known as the couple.
They’re never seen alone
So they’re known as the couple.As I’ve indicated
They are never quite separated,
They are peas in a pod.
Don’t you think that it’s odd.Their habits, I confess
None can guess with the couple.
If one says no it’s yes
more or less, with the couple.But they’re laugh provoking;
Yet they really don’t know they’re joking.
Don’t you find
When love is blind
It’s kind of odd.But they’re laugh provoking;
Yet they really don’t know they’re joking.
Don’t you find
When love is blind
It’s kind of odd.
Based on what he came up with, I’m guessing that Cahn had never seen the play or the movie. If he did, he’d know that no one ever referred to Oscar and Felix as “The Couple.” Nor were they “peas in a pod,” a phrase that means they’re nearly identical. The whole concept was that Oscar and Felix made an odd couple because they were so different from each other.
How did Cahn come up with the final line: “Don’t you find when love is blind it’s kind of odd”? Felix and Oscar were not in love. “The Odd Couple” was not a movie about a gay couple, and if it was, it would not have been made by Paramount or any other major studio in 1968. They were friends who became roommates, not a romantic twosome.
The addition of Cahn’s lyrics remind me of Felix’s plate of linguine dripping down the kitchen wall after being thrown there by Oscar, who rightly proclaimed, “Now, it’s garbage!” Whoever okayed the final version should have been removed from their place of residence and banished from Hollywood altogether.
If, after everything I’ve said, you are still dying to hear the finished product, I have cued up this video to start 1:18 in, just as the singers come in…