A report today says that, in response to North Korea claiming they have the capability to launch a missile all the way to America, the US has activated our anti-missile shield!

The whole concept of an anti-missile shield sounds very Wile E. Coyote, like it’s made by the people at Acme. Frankly, I don’t believe we even have such a thing. It sounds as if we’re playing a Corbomite Maneuver game with the North Koreans, like six year olds on the playground:

NK: “I’m gonna launch one of my missiles and have it land in your country.”
US: “Well, I have a shield that will stop your missile before it hurts us.”
NK: “Yeah? My missiles are so strong they’ll go right through your shield.”
US: “No they won’t, because I have a special protector layer for my anti-missile shield, like a shield shield.”

Why didn’t we turn on the shield before? If it works, why haven’t we had this thing in the ON position all along? Not activating it until there’s a possible threat is like having a home security system, but not turning it on until you hear a noise outside the living room window. Were we that sure no one was going to break in while we ran out for a quarter-pounder?

Maybe we didn’t throw the massive switch to ON before now because it would really run up our electric bill. You know what it’s like in the summer, with the air conditioning running all the time. Gotta save a few pennies where you can, so you keep the missile shield off until we really need it.

Or maybe the reason it hadn’t been activated previously is that we bought the thing but, like most other men, we never read the instruction manual — so it took us a long time to get it put together correctly and figure out how it works and how to turn it on.

I feel safer already.